


Good Night, Bean

by volti



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 15:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volti/pseuds/volti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanji's unsuspecting final moments with Bean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Night, Bean

**Author's Note:**

> My personal headcanon is that Hanji is agender and uses gender-neutral pronouns (they/them/their), so I’m applying that to the narration as well--just to clear up any possible confusion. (Also, writing with gender-neutral pronouns was wicked cool.)

Hanji supposes that if titans could talk, Bean would be asking for more bedtime stories like an eager child. And Hanji has a lot of stories to tell. They don’t like to pick favorites, but they can’t help the fact that Bean can stay up two hours longer than Sawney. It could simply be because Bean is larger, but that’s mere speculation, a hypothesis. They’ll have to do more experiments in the coming week.

“You just won’t quit, will you,” they say, a hint of affection in their voice, edging a bit closer. And Hanji talks and talks, in the softest voice they can possibly manage without whispering. They tell stories about how beautiful it might be to live outside of the walls one day, how lucky the titans are to have free reign of the place and how they hope to be that kind of free sometime soon; they haven't seen much, but what they have seen is beautiful to them. They talk on and on about what sorts of things they'd like to learn about the titans, what they've already learned and the little things that everyone wants to know, has the weather been treating him well, if they're feeling hungry. Bean gnashes his teeth at that, and Hanji can already hear the resounding "Step back! It's too dangerous!" But Bean is half-sedated now, Bean is a test, as much as Hanji doesn’t want to reduce him to just that. Not exactly strictly friend or foe, but some place in between that can't bring Hanji to kill him.

And they apologize, over and over again, for the pain they caused just hours earlier. Stakes to the heart, to the eyes, to every part that could draw blood aside from the nape of the neck. Sometimes science isn't enough of an excuse, they've concluded, but Bean never once registered any pain, or so it seemed. Maybe their deaths are like the sacrifices of some of the livestock--a slit to the jugular, so fast they don't even have a chance to realize they're dead, and here are the survivors with blood on their hands. But that's also till a test in progress, an experiment that can't really be carried out without casualty.

Of course, they avoid talking about Bean's fallen--can they even call fellow titans "comrades"? Are they intelligent enough to understand that, to differentiate between comrades the way they zero in so intensely on their prey, in spite of their mindless actions? It's what Hanji's observed, so it's all there is to go on. Comrades. Hanji doesn't talk about them, still banking on the idea that titans could be some incomprehensible type of sentient (though not intelligent enough to pick up on what human freedom would imply), and they don't want to make Bean upset. And they sidestep the question of "Why do you do what you do?" because for one thing, it's a futile attempt--always has been--and for another, Hanji feels it oversteps boundaries the way it would overstep boundaries to ask humans about personal things like why they love who they love, or why they are who they are. There are some things that simply can't be explained with logic and critical thinking and tests, and Hanji is enough of a scientist to make the distinction.

“Good night, Bean,” Hanji says once the extra two hours are up and Bean's almost completely inert--at once entirely too slow and entirely too fast--smiling softly and getting up to leave. They don’t reach out to pat Bean’s head the way they’d like to, because there’s still the risk of getting hurt. Not that they'd mind, because you have to break eggs to make omelets, and jumping away at the last second always provides an odd sort of thrill, but sometimes having a hand is better than not having one. "G'night, Bean," they say as though they're old friends, good friends, patting the titan's hand with their heart and backing away slowly. There will be time to test tomorrow.

It's something that new kid might want to know about, all of this, and so Hanji gets up in search of him and Corporal Levi (who’s sure to be within a 2-meter range). They can come back tomorrow for more hellos and more questions and more stories. Maybe Sawney will be up for something, too, a new test that won’t tear at his flesh or at Hanji’s soul.

Before Hanji blows out the lantern, they bring one hand behind their back and press the other to their heart in a closed fist, a quiet salute to the ones they love, an offer of the heart for more lives saved and more knowledge gained.


End file.
